Happy Thanksgiving!!
As we gather to celebrate Thanksgiving today, I find myself reflecting on the many things I’m grateful for despite the challenges posed by my chronic illness. While living with a chronic condition presents its own set of hurdles, it has also granted me a unique perspective on gratitude. But what if you’re not grateful at Thanksgiving?
Focusing on or developing gratitude when dealing while sick can be challenging, especially during the holidays. It is so easy to focus on all the things you can’t do or are missing out on. For example, Thanksgiving, when you can’t eat, can be really frustrating and lonely.
Some people may not be able to visit family that lives far away as travel is difficult with an illness. Or they may not be able to afford it this year. Many people with chronic illness spend a lot of their income on their health. Those with family nearby may also not be able to visit as they can’t travel in a car easily, even if the drive is only 20-30 minutes away.
Others may be able to attend Thanksgiving events, but not fully participate. They may get tired easily. They may not be their fun usual selves. Or, like me, they may not be able to eat much or anything at all. We then have to navigate comments from friends and family that don’t totally understand the illness. Others will be expected to help out significantly with grocery shopping, cooking, and hosting. These activitives are exhausting at the best of times.
I don’t think it’s acknowledged enough, but holidays can really suck when you are chronically ill. And unfortunately, there is no quick or easy way to get around it. Sometimes, it is just best to acknowledge that things suck. Other times, it is possible to cultivate a sense of appreciation even during difficult times.
What to do When You’re Not Grateful at Thanksgiving:
While these won’t magically fix things, here are some suggestions for what to do when you’re not grateful at Thanksgiving or in the holiday mood due to illness:
- Acknowledge Your Emotions: It’s okay to acknowledge and accept your negative emotions. Illness can be physically and emotionally draining, and it’s normal to experience a range of feelings, including frustration, sadness, or anger.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself and recognize that it’s okay not to feel grateful all the time. Understand that your feelings are valid, and self-compassion can help you navigate them. It’s ok to say that this really sucks and be sad be about it. You don’t have to feel guilty for feeling bad or not being able to participate.
- Start Small: See if there is any small way you can still participate in the holidays. Are you well enough to lie in bed and watch a holiday movie? Can you find a Thanksgiving playlist to listen to while you rest? Can you taste any of the holiday foods? The nice thing about fall is there are so many holiday drinks available. Can you have a flavoured coffee, hot chocolate, or tea? Maybe someone can pick up some fall flowers, napkins, or other decorations so at least you have something nice to look at.
- Keep a Gratitude Journal: This is a year-long practice. Start by identifying small things in your life that you can genuinely appreciate. It could be a moment of comfort, a supportive friend, a beautiful sunset, or a warm cup of tea. Focusing on these small moments can gradually shift your perspective. Consider starting a gratitude journal where you write down one or more things you’re thankful for each day, no matter how minor they may seem. This practice can help you shift your focus towards positivity.
- Connect with Support: Share your feelings with trusted friends, family members, or a support group. Talking about your challenges can provide emotional relief and open the door to finding gratitude in shared experiences. If your family or friends are not supportive, see if you can turn to an online community of others with the same or similar diagnoses. If you’re not comfortable with that, send me a message! I would love to chat.
- Seek Professional Help: If feelings of sadness or hopelessness persist, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who specializes in chronic illness or disability. They can provide strategies to address emotional challenges. It is really common for people with chronic illness to struggle with their mental health. It is so hard, and it is so important to recognize, acknowledge, and take action on it.
- Engage in Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, can help you stay present and find moments of peace and appreciation amid the difficulties. There are so many free short (5-minute) meditations on YouTube that can be done from the comfort of bed. The Balance App, which is currently free for a year, has a really good 10-part series for when you are in chronic pain.
- Set Realistic Expectations: Adjust your expectations and goals to accommodate your current physical and emotional state. Be patient with yourself and recognize that healing and recovery take time.
- Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that bring you comfort and relaxation, such as gentle exercises, reading, listening to soothing music, or taking baths. Self-care can help improve your overall well-being. Self-care may also include difficult tasks, like setting boundaries and not engaging with family members or friends that are not supportive.
- Connect with Your Inner Strength: Remind yourself of the inner strength and resilience you’ve shown in facing your illness. Acknowledge the challenges you’ve overcome, and give yourself credit for your perseverance. Consider using affirmations to do so.
- Celebrate Small Achievements: Celebrate even the smallest milestones and achievements in your journey to manage your illness. Recognize your efforts and progress. This is one of the reasons I love journaling. It makes it easier to look back and see how far you’ve come.
- Engage in Creative Expression: Explore creative outlets like art, writing, or music. Expressing your emotions and experiences through creativity can be therapeutic and help you find gratitude in self-expression. While I really enjoy writing and planning things, I don’t really consider myself a creative person. I like making my gratitude journal really pretty with different coloured pens and markers, stickers and post-it notes, and little doodles here and there. It is really relaxing, and makes going through my journal so much more fun.
Remember that finding gratitude in the midst of illness is a personal journey, and it’s okay to have both positive and negative feelings. Over time, with self-compassion and patience, you may discover moments of appreciation and gratitude even in the face of adversity.
23 Things I’m Grateful For Despite My Chronic Illness:
To help develop gratitude, you can always look at others’ lists for inspiration. In honour of today being Canadian Thanksgiving 2023, here are 23 things I am grateful for despite my chronic illness:
- My Family: I am super thankful for my family and all they have done for me over the past year.
- My Friends: Like most people with chronic illness know, some friends get it and some don’t. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by supportive and kind people.
- My Cat: My cat is so comforting when I am sick and adopting her was one of the best decisions I have ever made. She gives me unconditional love and I always have someone to cuddle with.
- My Healthcare Providers and Modern Medicine: while frustrating at times (a lot of times), I genuinely would not be here without them. I am grateful to live in a large Canadian city where I have access to healthcare and strong health insurance.
- Moments of Respite: Brief respites from symptoms that remind me of life’s joys, and the ability to take time off to rest. I am grateful that I get a 3-day weekend, as I know many people are working today.
- Quiet Mornings: it is so nice to have slow, peaceful mornings where I have time to take care of myself without stress.
- Fall Weather: The ability to appreciate the beauty of nature and the changing seasons. It really cooled down this weekend, and I am excited to be able to spend more time out in nature, which I wasn’t able to do as much in the summer heat due to my illness.
- The Power of Laughter: Moments of uncontrollable laughter that lighten the heaviest of days.
- Creative Outlets: The solace and expression found in creative pursuits, be it writing, art, or music. I really like writing – be it for this blog or my journal. It’s a wonderful way to de-stress for me.
- Cozy Blankets: Soft blankets that provide comfort during moments of discomfort. I have a million blankets that I love to curl up under, and it’s finally the perfect season to do so.
- My job: I am so grateful to have a good job that I am healthy enough to do. Many people are too ill to work, and I recognize that one day that may be my reality.
- Our Obsession with Autumn: I love autumn, and while I think we sometimes go overboard, it is nice that there are so many ways to experience and partake in this season, be it walking through nature, getting a pumpkin spice latte, or listening to a fall playlist.
- Self-Discovery: The opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth that comes with adversity. While I don’t believe everything happens for a reason, I do believe that we can learn something from every experience.
- Taylor Swift: She has given us so much content to watch and listen to while sick. Her music brings me so much comfort, and she has a concert movie and new album coming out later this month.
- Empathy and Understanding: The empathy and understanding that my journey fosters in me and those around me. There are so many things that I have learnt over the past year, including the amount of internalized ableism I and others around me have. You cannot truly understand how ableist our society is until you become disabled yourself.
- Access to Information: Easy(ish) access to information that empowers me to advocate for myself. While information can still be hard to find, there is more out there than ever before.
- Technology and Accessibility Tools: I am grateful for technological advancements and accessibility tools that enhance my daily life. For example, video calls with friends and family, meditation apps, and delivery services. These tools provide new opportunities for communication and independence.
- Comfortable Clothing: It is finally fall and I finally get to wear all my coziest clothing. I went shopping last weekend and got some new clothes for this upcoming season as a lot of my clothes from before I got sick no longer fit me. There is also certain clothing I can’t wear anymore as it pushes up against my surgical wound too much. Large, oversized sweaters are perfect for me, and I am so excited to start wearing them.
- Activists: I am grateful for all the illness and disability activists that have come before me to implement legal and practical protections, both in Canada and globally.
- Moments of Inspiration: Moments of inspiration that remind me of life’s limitless possibilities.
- Acts of Resilience: My own resilience, which grows stronger with each challenge faced. I am grateful for the courage and determination I have shown over the last year.
- Hope for Tomorrow: The hope that each day brings, filled with the potential for better tomorrows. Not necessarily for the idea that one day I will completely recover, but the idea that I will be able to still live a wonderful life and achieve goals despite my illness and disability.
- Gratitude Itself: The ability to experience and express gratitude, which keeps my spirit alive.
This Thanksgiving, I invite you to join me in celebrating gratitude not despite our challenges but because of them. It is through adversity that we often discover the most profound reasons to be thankful. Let us cherish these gifts, and may they serve as a reminder that even in the midst of chronic illness, there is an abundance of beauty, love, and gratitude to be found. And if you can’t be grateful today, that’s ok too. You have every reason to be upset, and some days are going to be harder than others. If you are struggling, feel free to leave a comment below or send me a private message.
Wishing you all a warm and blessed Thanksgiving!