Next week, Monday, October 9, 2023, is Canadian Thanksgiving. NEXT. WEEK!!! Time is flying by so quickly, I almost can’t believe it.
Traditionally, Thanksgiving is a time of gathering, gratitude, and indulging in an extravagant feast. It’s a holiday steeped in tradition, a time when families and friends come together to celebrate the bounties of life with a lavish spread of food.
But, what if, like me, you can’t partake in the extravagant feast part due to chronic illness? In this blog post, I delve into some of the unique challenges I am anticipating ahead of celebrating Thanksgiving, exploring various other ways to savor the holiday spirit, while acknowledging the difficulties and sadness that can occur during holidays.
Canadian Thanksgiving: A Brief Introduction
Before we dive into the complexities of navigating Thanksgiving with dietary restrictions, let me briefly introduce Canadian Thanksgiving. Held on the second Monday in October, it’s a time to express gratitude for the harvest and blessings of the past year. Families gather around tables laden with a huge assortment of foods, including turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie. I am usually in charge of the several kinds of potatoes.
Canadian Thanksgiving is extremely similar to U.S. Thanksgiving, but may be a tad less indulgent (at least from what I’ve seen in all the classic thanksgiving movies). Of course, Canadian Thanksgiving is also 6 weeks earlier.
This year, I anticipate that thanksgiving will be HARD for me. It was the last major holiday I got to celebrate before my life took an unexpected turn due to chronic illness. At the time, I had no idea of what was to come over the next year.
The Tough Reality: Thanksgiving without Feasting
Those of us with chronic illnesses that result in dietary restrictions, can make holidays centered around food particularly challenging. Seeing all of my friends, family, and food often serves as a reminder of things I can no longer enjoy. And it’s hard to acknowledge the difficulty of this reality. It’s sad that I can’t participate, and it’s awkward that I have to just sit there.
If Thanksgiving were an Olympic sport, I’d have a gold medal in watching others eat. It takes a certain skill to not make others feel weird when they are eating in front of you and you’re just watching. Thankfully, I’ve had a lot of practice over the last year.
Finding Ways to Participate
I keep having to remind myself that there are SO MANY ways that I can still actively participate in Thanksgiving festivities. Here are some of the ways we can still get involved:
- Embrace the Role of Host or Hostess: Take charge of the non-culinary aspects of the celebration. Decorate the space, curate a Thanksgiving playlist, and create a warm ambiance that everyone can enjoy.
- Contribute with Non-Food Items: You can still make valuable contributions to the meal by helping with table settings, arranging decorations, or even crafting thoughtful place cards for guests. I think for me, setting the table would be too much of a reminder of the meal I’m about to not eat. But I would be thrilled to be in charge of decorations!
- Express Gratitude: Write notes of gratitude and share them with your loved ones. I feel like I have become so much more grateful over the last year, but I still struggling with always articulating those feelings. I like writing thank you notes in my journal. I can be extremely honest knowing the person will never read it. It usually helps me figure out exactly what I want to say to them to show my gratitude.
- Create a Thanksgiving Playlist: Music has the power to set the tone for any gathering. Curate a Thanksgiving playlist filled with your favorite songs and share it with your guests. Encourage everyone to share their own favorite songs, turning it into a collaborative effort that adds a special touch to the celebration. Alternatively, just play Taylor Swift’s RED (Taylor’s Version) album on repeat. It’ll set the right vibes.
- Host a Thanksgiving Movie Marathon: Set up a cozy movie corner and organize a Thanksgiving-themed movie marathon. There are so many good thanksgiving movies and tv shows to watch around this time of year. I plan on watching all 8 Harry Potter movies this fall.
- Savor the Non-Food Traditions: Focus on the non-food traditions and activities of Thanksgiving, such as scenic walks. Fortunately, absolutely EVERYTHING is now available in pumpkin spice. If you can’t eat it, you can always get a pumpkin spice candle. Or pumpkin spice soap. Or a pumpkin spice face mask. You can even get pumpkin spice fishing bait.
Navigating Thanksgiving Invitations
Navigating Thanksgiving events when you have dietary restrictions due to chronic illness presents unique challenges. Here are some strategies and tips for handling these situations with grace and confidence:
- Communicate in Advance: If you’re invited a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s probably best to let your hosts know in advance about your dietary restrictions. This allows them to make accommodations or offer alternatives where possible. For some people, like me, I don’t need any accommodations made, so I would probably only let them know if it was a small event and it would be incredibly obvious that I’m not eating. Of course, you never have to disclose your illness if you don’t want to.
- Offer to Contribute: If you can eat some things, offer to prepare a dish that you can eat and bring to the event. This ensures that there will be at least one thing you can have and allows you to participate in the festivities. These days, so many Thanksgiving events are potlucks anyway.
- Inquire About the Menu: This step is particularly important if you offer to bring something and the host says no. You can always ask what will be served, which can help you plan ahead. You may need to consider eating at home before or after the event.
- Work Event: If it’s a work event, and you’re comfortable, you could always talk to your supervisor or HR to see what options can be provided to accommodate you. It seems to me that since Covid, many workplaces are doing a lot fewer events that revolve around food.
- Engage in Conversation: While food is a central part of Thanksgiving events, the primary focus is on spending time with friends, family, or colleagues. Engage in meaningful conversations, share stories, and enjoy the company of those around you. Also, if anyone asks why you aren’t eating, you can use it as an opportunity to help educate them about your illness and restrictions (if you’re comfortable doing so).
- Plan Your Exit Strategy: If it all gets too much, and the event is too challenging, it’s okay to leave. Just make sure you thank your hosts!
Acknowledging Negative Emotions
While Thanksgiving is often associated with feelings of gratitude, warmth, and togetherness, it’s essential to recognize that for some individuals, including those with chronic illnesses, the holiday season can bring about feelings of sadness, loneliness, frustration, and grief.
- For me, my illness imposes strict dietary restrictions. While I will be able to try most foods, I won’t be able to indulge in a whole meal. Which is sad, but at this point, mostly just annoying. I’m tired of not being able to eat what I want and fully participate in events. I feel like I am being excluded even though I am physically there.
- My illness has also led to physical limitations. I get tired very easily, making it more challenging to participate in holiday activities or gatherings. This also makes me feel excluded and isolated as I can’t do everything that I would like to. For example, I can’t go on hikes to see the fall leaves. I also can’t travel home for Thanksgiving.
All of these things lead to grief, disappointment, and feelings of inadequacy. For better and worse, I am not the person I was a year ago.
However, overall, I am feeling good. I have several events lined up with friends and family over the coming weeks and have strategies to help me cope with feelings of sadness and grief, as well as physical exhaustion.
Combatting Holiday Blues
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel a sense of loss or sadness during the holiday season. I 100% do. It’s hard to feel like I can’t fully participate. It’s hard to realize how much I’ve lost. It’s hard to meet up with friends whose lives have just carried on over the last year.
- Seek Support: Lean on your support network. Talk to friends or family members who can offer empathy and understanding. It’s also ok to want some time alone to process, even though that can be hard on a holiday that is so focused on being with friends and family. I plan on taking some time this week to journal about my feelings leading up to the holiday, and identifying things to be grateful for.
- Create New Traditions: Establish new Thanksgiving traditions that don’t revolve around food. It could be watching a favorite movie, playing board games, or taking a nature walk. At the same time, this obviously isn’t the same. And it’s ok to be sad about that.
- Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques can help you stay grounded in the present moment, reducing anxiety about past or future celebrations. I think it will also help me practice self-compassion this holiday season, recognizing that it’s ok to be sad, frustrated, and overwhelmed.
- Volunteer or Give Back: One way to find fulfillment during the holidays is by giving back to your community. Engage in volunteer work or support local charities that resonate with you. The act of helping others can bring a sense of purpose and fulfillment. It also helps you realize how many things you do have to be grateful for. While I will be missing out on an incredible holiday meal, there are thousands of people in Canada and the US that have never experienced extravagant holiday meals.
It’s essential to acknowledge that holidays like Thanksgiving can evoke complex emotions, and not everyone experiences them in the same way. By recognizing these emotions, seeking support, and adopting coping strategies, individuals with chronic illnesses can navigate the holiday season with resilience and find meaningful ways to celebrate and connect. Additionally, fostering understanding and empathy within our communities can create a more inclusive and supportive holiday environment for all.
Thanksgiving is a holiday that invites us to celebrate the abundance of life, regardless of what’s on our plates. It’s about creating meaningful connections, cherishing moments of togetherness, and finding gratitude everywhere.
As I watch everyone savor their pumpkin pie, I will console myself with the fact that I’m the undefeated champion of Thanksgiving board games, a title that no amount of turkey can bestow.