Trigger Warning: This article is about suicide. Reader discretion is advised.
For many, Valentine’s Day is a super exciting day to celebrate with their loved ones. But major holidays can be a challenging time for many, especially those grappling with mental health issues or chronic illnesses.
Some people, like me, can’t participate in traditional Valentine’s Day activities. Because of my gastroparesis, I can’t eat. So I can’t have cute Valentine’s Day chocolates. I can’t have cinnamon hearts or Valentine’s cookies. And I definitely can’t go out to a restaurant for a nice dinner. But for many, the heartache of Valentine’s Day goes far beyond not having any candy hearts.
For some, not being able to participate in holidays is devastating. And amidst huge romantic gestures and social media displays of affection, Valentine’s Day can be a huge struggle for those who don’t feel the warmth of love or support, who suffer with feelings of loneliness instead.
The Reality of Mental Illness and Valentine’s Day:
Diane Brice, Director of Suicide Prevention Service of the Central Coast, has highlighted the alarming fact that Valentine’s Day bears one of the highest suicide rate of any day in the year. Valentine’s Day is the start of an annual rise in suicide rates, eventually peaking in April.
In January, many have fresh energy and a strong commitment to their New Year’s resolutions. Things are often looking up.
It is around February where people start feeling like they should be achieving their goals, or that they should be in love, and it is difficult when they don’t necessarily feel this way. Additionally, many people struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), which is in full swing at this time of year.
The pressure to conform to societal expectations of romantic love can be overwhelming, exacerbating feelings of isolation and grief for those already struggling. And isolation is one of the number one risk factors for suicide. Many people that commit suicide feel unloved or unworthy to love those that surround them.
Valentine’s Day can make you feel like everyone but you is in love. And in the era of social media, the real-time nature of comments and posts can significantly affect individuals facing a difficult time. The pressure to showcase a picture-perfect celebration of love can intensify feelings of inadequacy and loneliness.
Valentine’s Day Blues:
There are strong links between chronic illness and depression. Living with an illness can be incredibly difficult – from constant physical pain, to losing relationships, to limiting your career potential.
According to David Prescott, professor and the chair of social science and humanities at Husson University in Maine, “chronic illness impacts one’s ability to live and the trajectory of what they hoped their life would be”. Chronic illness often leads to less socializing and more isolation. All of these things put people with chronic illness at a higher risk of experiencing symptoms of depression, including:
- Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
- Withdrawal from others and social isolation
- A lack of energy and motivation
- Loss of interest in activities that you previously enjoyed
- Changes in appetite
- Changes in sleep patterns
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Self-destructive or risky behaviours
- Suicidal thoughts
These symptoms can be even worse around Valentine’s Day, when the seemingly perfect relationships of others are everywhere.
Tips For When You’re Struggling on Valentine’s Day:
- If you’re struggling this Valentine’s Day, try to avoid social media next week.
- Embrace yourself and appreciate your self-worth. Use positive affirmations to help start believing in yourself.
- Engage in a healthy activity, like yoga, meditation, or journaling to help acknowledge your feelings and process your emotions.
- Treat yourself. In the words of Miley Cyrus, you can definitely buy your own flowers.
- Do something you enjoy, whether that be working out, cooking a nice meal, or going shopping.
- Set up a phone or video call with a friend or family member
- Focus on what you are grateful for.
- Remember that these feelings are understandable and temporary. If they are persistent or interfering with your daily life, consider seeking professional support.
Ideas on How to Spend Valentine’s Day:
- Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge the challenges you’re facing. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a friend in a similar situation. Understand that it’s okay to feel the way you do, and you deserve care and understanding. Do something to treat yourself, like ordering your favourite dinner, watching a movie, or taking a bubble bath.
- Volunteer or Help Others: Contributing to others, even in small ways, can create a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Look for volunteer opportunities in your community or online platforms where you can offer your skills or time.
- Nature Walks or Outdoor Activities: Spending time outdoors can positively impact your mood. Take a walk in a nearby park or nature reserve. The change of scenery and fresh air can help alleviate stress and boost your well-being.
- Creative Outlets: Expressing yourself through creative outlets like writing, drawing, or crafting can be therapeutic. It’s a way to channel your emotions and focus on the present moment.
- Free or Low-Cost Activities: Look for local community events, free classes, or workshops that align with your interests. Many communities offer low-cost or free activities, providing an opportunity to engage with others and learn something new.
What To Do If You’re Really Struggling:
Coping with loneliness, financial stress, and health issues can be overwhelming, especially during occasions like Valentine’s Day. Here are some suggestions that may help you feel better, even in difficult circumstances:
- Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Incorporate mindfulness and relaxation exercises into your daily routine. Deep breathing, meditation, or guided imagery can help manage stress and improve your overall well-being.
- Seek Online Support: While you may not have immediate access to friends or family in person, there are numerous online communities where people share their experiences and support each other. Joining forums or groups related to your interests or health condition can provide a sense of connection.
- Explore Online Resources: Numerous websites offer free resources for self-help, mental health support, and stress management. Explore resources from reputable sources like government health websites or mental health organizations.
- Connect with Professionals: If you’re struggling with mental health, consider reaching out to mental health professionals or counselors. Many offer sliding scale fees or free services, and they can provide valuable support.
- Financial Assistance Programs: Explore local programs that provide financial assistance or resources for individuals facing economic challenges. Community organizations and charities may offer support for essential needs.
Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, whether from professionals, community organizations, or online support groups. If you are in crisis, please reach out to local mental health hotlines or helplines. You are not alone, and there are people and resources available to support you.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7, offering a lifeline for those in crisis. In Canada and the United States, call or text 988.
Final Thoughts:
Valentine’s Day may be a celebration of love, but it’s essential to recognize and address the struggles faced by those dealing with mental health issues or chronic illnesses. By promoting understanding, empathy, and support, we can strive to make Valentine’s Day a more inclusive and compassionate occasion for everyone. Remember, it’s okay not to feel super happy this holiday season, and seeking help is a sign of strength.