The holiday season is officially in full swing, and Christmas and the new year are fast approaching! Christmas markets, festive decorations, and holiday music are everywhere you turn. It’s hard not to see the holiday spirit. For some, it is truly the most wonderful time of the year. Yet, for others, the holidays are the darkest time of year. And Christmas with chronic illness can be incredibly difficult. The holiday season can be extremely stressful and sad, which often exacerbates symptoms of chronic illness. To combat this, I want to throw myself into as much as possible over the next few weeks. While I can’t travel home, I can’t eat or drink, and am dealing with a severe lack of energy, here are my best tips for navigating Christmas with chronic illness.
Christmas With Chronic Illness:
I’m finding it hard to get into the full festive swing. I find that I am placing a lot of pressure on myself to try and have a great Christmas season. I missed out on everything last year as I was very sick the entire holiday period. However, I’m struggling to balance my chronic health conditions and what my body needs with wanting to participate in absolutely everything this Christmas time.
Realistically, this is a stressful time of year for most, with a huge amount of pressure. Whether it be due to physical pain, mental health, money issues, or family issues, there may be a lot going on. And unfortunately, those with chronic illness and disability are at a higher risk of mental health and financial issues. The holidays can be very lonely and exhausting.
Additionally, stress is often a trigger for chronic illness flares. It can be easy to lose excitement when you feel miserable, physically and mentally. I just had COVID-19, and a few days later got the flu. I’ve now been sick for 22 of the last 30 days. I feel like I should be out celebrating, but instead, I am stuck on my couch. It’s extra hard as I feel I already missed Christmas last year. No matter how you’re feeling this season, excited or merely ‘getting through it’, here are my best tips for dealing with Christmas with chronic illness:
1. Pace Yourself
This is the number one tip given to people with chronic illnesses. Those dealing with fatigue need to use their energy strategically. Often we prioritize basic tasks that make us feel human: eating, showering, cleaning. Then, we prioritize paid work, as we need money to survive. And only then, if we have leftover energy, can we do things that are fun like holiday parties. Often just living my daily life is exhausting to me. I need to take frequent breaks and naps just to get through the week.
Prioritizing which events – parties and markets and get-togethers – you want and can attend is crucial. While it sucks because I want to do everything, I know that realistically that is just not possible for me at this time.
Figure out how you can best contribute to events while still preserving your energy. I don’t want to cook a large holiday meal as I am exhausted, and I won’t even be able to eat it. But there are other ways for me to get involved that don’t take a lot of energy, like choosing a cute outfit, making a holiday playlist, or choosing festive napkins.
2. Choose Hosts Carefully
I also prioritize events hosted by those I am close with and who know about my illness and disability.
I can’t eat. Instead, I get my nutrition via a feeding tube. A lot of people do not understand my illness. Many people think that I just need to try harder or find foods that I like more. They don’t understand that because the muscles in my stomach don’t work, my stomach is literally paralyzed and I cannot eat. As such, they get offended when I don’t eat their food. Or go to a restaurant and don’t order anything. Or go to a bar and don’t drink.
Fortunately, my family and close friends all understand and don’t put any pressure on me. But I know many people with this illness whose family and friends don’t understand. It can cause a lot of stress and family rifts, especially during the holidays. You deserve to be around people that believe you and take your health seriously.
As such, I try to only surround myself with people whom I am comfortable telling about my illness. I prioritize attending events hosted by those who are aware and understand, realizing that I can’t eat at the event, may need to leave early, or will even let me take a nap at their home if I get too tired.
3. Plan Your Food
Assuming you can eat, plan your food in advance. If you have food allergies or intolerances, offer to bring something that you know you can eat. If you are supposed to follow a special diet due to your illness, try your best to continue following it and maintaining a balanced diet. Try to limit your intake of processed foods, sugar, and alcohol. Ensure you can eat some nutritious meals, as much as you want to just live off cookies.
If you can only have a limited amount of certain things, make a list of which ones you really want to try this holiday season. I often want to try everything, and then don’t have room for the one thing I really wanted. I’m still having a Christmas dinner this year, but I won’t be able to eat very much at all. While I want to help with meal prep, that will depend on my physical health.
If you can’t drink alcohol, look into recipes for festive mocktails. There are so many options these days. I love anything with cranberry juice.
If you are limiting your sugar intake, look into one or two types of holiday treats that you really want and then spend a day baking and getting into the holiday spirit! Do you want gingerbread cookies, shortbread, sugar cookies, peppermint bark, brownies, snickerdoodles, or something with peanut butter? This sounds like a trick question because I want all of the above, especially because last year I couldn’t have a single cookie. But realistically, I can barely eat any of that. I think instead I will just go to a bakery and get myself one or two treats that I can pick at all week.
4. Take Care of Yourself
Even though there is so much pressure to do and be everything all at once, it’s ok to take a step back. Managing your stress and anxiety at this time of year is so important. We often place super high expectations on ourselves at this time of year.
If you work and are taking time off this season, your routine may be completely out the window. You may try to stay up late to complete all your tasks on your never-ending to-do list, you may be exhausted from socializing, and you may not be able to fall asleep if you’re worrying about things. You may be concerned about what will happen if you have to cancel an event or can’t participate. Try and maintain a regular sleep schedule. Getting a good night’s sleep will make you feel more refreshed and able to tackle all of your tasks. It’s ok to leave events early or skip them altogether to ensure you get your rest.
Lots of families are gathering for the first time this year since Covid lockdowns. Seeing family members that you haven’t seen since becoming ill, or who don’t know you are ill, can be very difficult. Figure out what you’re going to say to them in advance. Will you be telling them about your illness? If so, what will you say? How will you explain it to children? I like preparing a 30-second elevator pitch about my illness to use in certain situations. I want to explain how serious my illness is without scaring anyone.
Christmas can also be a large financial burden as well, adding even more stress to your plate. Many families take on debt to fund their holidays, resulting in more stress in January. Set a realistic budget for everything related to the holidays – travel, food, gifts, etc. and then stick to it. Make a shopping list, and stick to it. There are many lots of activities and festive traditions that don’t cost anything, including attending holiday markets, building a fire, or going caroling. You can still have a festive experience without spending money.
If you are struggling financially, many charities and food banks offer extra help around the holidays. Many food banks have festive foods or meals available, and many charities provide gifts and school supplies to children whose families cannot afford them. Look around for churches, schools, and community centers that offer this.
All this to say, Christmas with chronic illness is hard. Try your best to maintain a healthy routine that includes caring for yourself and your illness. Block time off for yourself and lean on others for support. If you’re traveling or hosting, build rest days into your schedule. It’s a good idea to make your travel plans well in advance so that you can schedule enough sleep and rest. Be kind and compassionate to yourself, giving yourself grace over the holiday period.
5. Ask For Help
Realistically, you may need to ask for help this holiday season, and that’s ok! Make a list of everything you feel that you need or want to do this season. Then, go through the list being realistic about how much of it you can accomplish, either on your own or with help. Reach out to friends and family for help. Here are some of the things that I really want to do but will need help with this holiday season:
- Going Christmas gift shopping and carrying shopping baskets and bags
- Gift wrapping
- Meal planning, grocery shopping, and prepping food
- Cooking food
- Baking cookies
- Cleaning up
- Setting up and decorating the Christmas tree (and taking it down after)
- Setting up other decorations like stockings
- Picking up packages and mailing presents
Make the holidays as easy as possible for yourself! Order groceries, dishes, or full holiday meals to be delivered. Go online shopping for gifts and wrapping supplies. Instead of wrapping gifts, it is much easier to just put them in a gift bag with some tissue paper. Take part in all the easy and simple festive things, like playing a holiday playlist whenever possible and watching holiday movies.
You can also find support in the chronic illness community. Since starting this blog, I’ve started to notice how many chronic illness and disability bloggers there truly are. Some of them have built huge communities online, through their blogs, Pinterest, or Facebook.
Tips for Hosts:
Are you hosting a holiday event and know that someone with a chronic illness or disability will be attending? Here are some ways to make it more comfortable for your guests:
- Invite Them: Even if your friend often declines or cancels, invite them anyway! Most people cannot predict when they are going to get sick, and some may have no notice. I can go from perfectly fine to throwing my guts up within seconds. Having an event that they don’t need to RSVP to, and can decide whether they’re attending on the day of will make them more comfortable in case they end up not being able to make it. This prevents them from actually having to cancel last minute, which always makes us feel bad.
- COVID-19 Test: While most people don’t see COVID-19 as a big deal, it can be a big deal for people with chronic illness. In fact, Covid is what spurred my illness. It could have killed me. Asking your guests to test themselves before attending an event in close quarters helps protect all of us.
- Plan Strategically: Plan events that someone can easily leave if they need to go home to rest and recover. If you can, let them know that you’ll have a chair, couch, or bed prepared for them if they need to lie down. Easy events to leave are things like house parties where people can just stop by or drinks at a bar. Harder events to leave are ones with long sit-down activities, such as paint nights, holiday movie marathons, cookie-making parties, or sit-down restaurant meals (but still possible – just make it known they don’t have to sit through 6 whole movies). Also, don’t plan to attend events that don’t have real bathrooms or aren’t physically accessible. A lot of activities like light shows are not accessible as they make you walk a lot and cannot accommodate mobility aids.
Final Thoughts:
The festive season isn’t always festive when you have a chronic condition and are dealing with flare-ups and chronic pain. It can be difficult on one’s mental health, especially if you can’t participate in family gatherings and family traditions the way others do or the way you used to. On top of physical pain, you might be dealing with grief, loss, sadness, and loneliness. You may feel angry and disappointed in yourself, others, and life. You may be stressed out about all the things you’re expected to do, and exhausted with what you can’t do. Navigating Christmas with chronic illness can be so difficult.
It’s important to remember that you are not responsible for everything. You don’t have to create Christmas magic for everyone all the time. You do not have to attend every single event. It’s okay to ask for help with anything, no matter how small or big it may seem. Set boundaries – physical, mental, and financial -, give yourself grace, and prioritize your health this holiday season. Let me know how you plan on dealing with Christmas with chronic illness in the comments below!