As I mentioned in my last post on setting goals with chronic illness, one of my goals this year is to work on rebuilding my confidence. It wasn’t until about 8 months after I got sick that I realized that I had lost a lot of confidence due to my illness. I used to be really confident, and honestly, never really had to work at it. All of a sudden, I no longer felt secure. I had lost my life as I knew over the course of a few days. I had just gotten back from traveling in Europe by myself, to having to move out of my apartment back with my parents in a different city. It felt like I completely lost my independence. I was basically bed-bound for weeks. I realized that after barely leaving my house for months, I no longer really knew how to act.
On top of losing my apartment and being away from all of my friends, I basically lost all my hobbies too. I could no longer exercise, go to restaurants, or even drink coffee. Honestly, I had no idea what to say to people. I no longer felt safe and secure in who I was. As such, I had pretty low self-esteem and confidence.
I’ve made significant progress since then. I’ve been living on my own for nearly six months now and I’ve proven that I can take care of myself. Overall, I have more physical strength and energy. I’m doing a lot better than I was a year ago. But I’m still sick, and I still haven’t gained back all of my confidence. So, one of my goals for 2024 is to continue building it back up again. In this post, I write about reasons why someone with a chronic illness may have lost confidence. In future posts, I will cover what happens when you lose confidence and actionable steps on how to rebuild confidence.
Why Chronic Illness Can Shake Your Confidence
Here are 14 ways chronic illness can cause lost confidence:
1. Shifting Self-Image:
As you navigate the challenges of a chronic illness, your self-image may undergo significant shifts. The adjustments required to manage your health can impact how you see yourself, potentially leading to a reassessment of your identity. For example, I used to see myself as really strong and independent. As soon as I got sick, that was no longer the case. I had to rely on others for everything, including the most basic tasks like walking and showering. I no longer saw myself as strong and independent because, well, I wasn’t. Instead, I was dealing with serious illness and chronic disease.
2. Impact on Daily Activities:
The demands of managing a chronic condition can disrupt your daily activities, prompting you to reconsider and adapt your routines to accommodate your health needs. This adjustment can influence your confidence in your ability to carry out tasks as you once did. When I first got sick, my quality of life went way down due to all the physical symptoms I had. I’ve had to re-evaluate my priorities due to my illness, and it takes a lot of time to manage it all. I can no longer get everything I want done. Which has led to lost confidence. I am forced to prioritize and pace myself, which means some things I used to find really important, I have had to let slip.
But, I am working on being ok with this. For example, I’ve decided that this year I am only setting health goals. All of my financial, career, and relationship goals are going on the back burner for when I am able to tackle more things at once. While I know I need to do this, it’s been difficult for me to accept.
3. Body Image Concerns:
Changes in physical health, including weight fluctuations or alterations in appearance, can contribute to concerns about your body image. These shifts may affect how you perceive yourself and can influence your confidence in social and personal interactions. I lost a lot of weight when I first got sick. Some of my favourite clothes no longer fit me properly. I was really malnourished, and I felt it. For example, I was losing my hair. I had to take out my belly button piercing because it no longer fit properly and was digging into my skin. Even small changes can lead to lost confidence.
I also have a feeding tube. At first, I had a nasogastric tube – a feeding tube through your nose – which everyone could see as it was taped to my face. I had to get used to a lot of stares. Then I had a tube surgically placed in my abdomen. I had a whole tube hanging out of my abdomen at all times – you could easily see it through all my clothes. I’ve now switched to a low-profile tube – or a button – which is easier to hide, but you can still see it sometimes. So I’ve had to get used to seeing a huge change to my body every day, which can really affect confidence levels. And even if the tube ever comes out, I’ll have a scar there forever. So it’s a lot to get used to.
4. Social Isolation:
Coping with a chronic illness may lead to social withdrawal. The challenges posed by your health can make you hesitant to engage in social situations, potentially contributing to feelings of isolation and impacting your confidence in social interactions. As I’ve said before, there are many activities I can no longer participate in fully now that I can’t eat. It can be really awkward, and sometimes it’s just easier if I don’t go. I also don’t have a lot of energy, so really need to carefully plan out which activities I attend. Additionally, some friends and family just don’t get it. They either ask inappropriate questions, or they slowly fade out of your life. I had a lot of friends who didn’t call or text me once to see how I was doing, which can really affect your relationships and your confidence.
5. Impact on Mental Health:
Chronic conditions often take a toll on mental health, potentially resulting in symptoms of depression, anxiety, or heightened stress levels. There are several studies showing that chronic pain and illness are linked to mental health issues, including depressive symptoms. These mental health challenges can erode your confidence in your ability to cope with the emotional aspects of your illness. When I got COVID-19 a few weeks ago, I started panicking because that’s how I got sick the first time. I was scared that I wouldn’t recover because the first time I got COVID, I didn’t. Getting ill when you’re already chronically ill can really send you for a loop. It is so easy to fall into negative thinking when you have a lack of confidence due to a long-term illness.
6. Uncertainty and Fear:
The uncertainty of living with a chronic illness and the fear of how it might progress can generate negative thoughts and heightened apprehension about the future. This uncertainty can diminish your confidence in planning for the long term. I explained in my last post that I have difficulty planning for the future because I don’t really know what I’ll be capable of then. At the same time, I don’t want to just give up on things because I can’t do them right now. And it’s a lot more difficult when the things you are considering may have huge impacts on the entire course of your life, like taking a job abroad or having children.
Chronic illness can have a significant impact on your life for a very long time. Not knowing what your physical condition will be like in the future can really affect your mental state. A lot of people with physical illness can only plan for the short term. As such, I’ve lost confidence in my ability to plan my future and commit to these plans.
7. Coping with Pain:
Chronic pain, a common companion to many chronic illnesses, can contribute to feelings of frustration and helplessness. Managing pain can be challenging, impacting your confidence in your ability to control and alleviate physical discomfort. When you feel terrible, it’s really easy to lose self-confidence. My chronic medical condition and severe pain that I’m in has definitely had a negative effect on my confidence and mental health. One way to work on this is through cognitive behavioural therapy, or talking to a health professional about what you’re going through.
8. Effect on Relationships:
Navigating relationships, both within the family and in social situations may become challenging as the dynamics change with the introduction of a chronic health condition. This adjustment can influence your confidence in maintaining meaningful connections. As I said above, I had some friends who never checked up on me at all. I don’t think they realized just how sick I was. It was hard for me to see that while my life was on pause, theirs was not. Their lives went on, while I was stuck frozen in time. It felt like everyone was moving forward in the world except for me. I definitely lost confidence in some of my relationships.
9. Adjustment to New Lifestyle:
The need for lifestyle changes, whether in diet, physical activity, or daily routines, can be a formidable challenge. Adapting to this new way of life may impact your confidence in your ability to navigate these adjustments successfully. Even small changes can be difficult to cope with when you’re going through so much. Before I moved back out I was so scared that I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself. Even now that I’ve proven that I can as I’ve been doing it for almost six months, I still worry that the smallest thing could knock me off my feet. If that ever happens, I think it will cause a lot of lost confidence for me.
10. Facing Stigma and Misunderstanding:
Dealing with societal perceptions, stigma, and misunderstandings about chronic illnesses can contribute to a sense of isolation. These external factors can impact your confidence in how you are perceived by others. As I said, having a feeding tube taped to my face got me a lot of stares. I tried to avoid social media and having a social life. For me, it was particularly difficult as feeding tubes are most often associated with eating disorders, which remain extremely stigmatized.
11. Dealing with Medical Treatments:
The need for frequent medical treatments and interventions may lead to feelings of being overwhelmed, especially when grappling with the physical and emotional toll of these procedures. I had never even heard of my illness, gastroparesis until I was diagnosed with it. All of a sudden, I had to learn as much as possible about it, because no one else was going to do it for me. Learning everything there is to know about an illness, treatments, complications, experiments, and health and insurance forms is very challenging. There is so much information.
Additionally, I’m really struggling with the idea that it’s not fair that I have to be the one to advocate for myself. And yet, I have to, because my illness is extremely under-researched and unknown. I now know a lot about the current medical treatment available. At this point, I truly believe that I know more about my illness than most doctors. This is the life of a person with chronic health issues.
12. Negotiating Work and Career Adjustments:
The demands of managing a chronic illness may necessitate adjustments in your professional life, introducing concerns about job security, career progression, and how colleagues perceive these changes. Asking for time off, even when you really have no other option, is daunting. And if an employer says no, or can’t accommodate you, that can take a huge hit on your self-esteem. If people who already know you aren’t willing to help and work with you, why would anyone else? Many employers are not particularly forthcoming about your rights and accommodation options, and it can really feel like you are fending for yourself. And if you get it wrong, you could lose your job.
13. Navigating Financial Challenges:
Chronic health conditions often incur significant medical costs, potentially resulting in financial strain and concerns about the ability to sustain necessary treatments over time. If you can’t work due to your illness, you may have to rely on disability insurance, which is often not nearly enough to live on. Many people with chronic illnesses lose their jobs and living arrangements as there is not enough support for them. The stress of this, and the realization that you may never be able to work or earn money and instead have to depend on others can be a huge hit to your confidence.
14. Dealing with Fluctuating Symptoms:
The unpredictable nature of chronic illnesses, marked by fluctuating symptoms, can be mentally exhausting as you navigate the variability in your health on a day-to-day basis. Knowing that you are okay enough to complete a task or participate in an activity when you plan it, but not on the day of the actual event, can be really demoralizing. Planning things and then having to cancel on your friends really sucks, and you may feel like they’re going to start being upset or resentful. It can make you feel lazy and flaky, even though it’s not your fault, it’s your illness.
Check out my next post to read more about the signs that you have lost your confidence while dealing with chronic illness.