In my last post, I wrote about ways chronic illness can decrease your confidence. After I got sick, I lost a lot of confidence. I had lost life as I knew it, my apartment and independence, my city and friends, and all of my hobbies. I’m doing a lot better than I was a year ago. But I’m still sick, and I still haven’t gained back all of my confidence. So, one of my goals for 2024 is to continue building it back up again. In this post, I discuss what happens and what signs to look out for that may show you’ve lost your confidence.
Signs You’ve Lost Your Confidence
When you lose confidence and have low self-esteem, your behaviors and demeanor can undergo noticeable changes across various aspects of your life. Here are some common ways people may act when they’ve lost self-confidence:
1. Avoidance:
You may avoid situations, activities, or challenges that you perceive as contributing to your loss of confidence. This avoidance is an attempt to shield yourself from potential failure or negative outcomes. For example, I still really don’t like going to restaurants. It’s so awkward for me to just sit there. Sometimes I order food just to pick at something, and often waiters come over to see what’s wrong with the food. Then I have to either explain my illness or come up with some other excuse, and it’s just a huge hassle. Unfortunately, most people, especially now that the pandemic restrictions have been lifted, love going to restaurants. I have a whole list of things that I can no longer fully participate in because I can’t eat.
2. Isolation:
A decline in confidence can lead to social withdrawal. You may isolate yourself from others, avoiding social interactions to protect yourself from judgment or perceived scrutiny. As I said in my last post, some of my friends didn’t reach out to me at all while I was sick. It made me feel like they didn’t really care about me and didn’t understand what was going on. Socializing with people who don’t know you have a chronic disease or don’t understand your illness can be really hard, so naturally I’ve withdrawn from some people, leading to more isolation.
3. Procrastination:
When you experience a loss of confidence, you may procrastinate or delay taking action on tasks. The fear of failure or the belief that you won’t succeed can paralyze you, leading to a reluctance to initiate or complete tasks. Dealing with anything related to my health is really overwhelming to me. As such, I tend to push off tasks that are important but not crucial.
For example, I absolutely hate dealing with the pharmacy. I now need to switch pharmacies to find one that can deliver during my availability, but I’ve been putting this off for weeks now because I just feel like it’s so much work and they might not be able to help me (which I know is ridiculous, there are a million pharmacies to choose from, but I’ve had annoying experiences with previous ones not ordering my correct meds, not delivering them, charging me instead of my insurance, etc. So I put it off as long as possible).
4. Negative Self-Talk:
A decrease in confidence often accompanies negative self-talk. You may engage in internal dialogue that reinforces feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, or a lack of worthiness. This is why I think affirmations can be super helpful for people with serious illnesses and those trying to build up their self-esteem and confidence. Affirmations can help you accept that you are still important, worthy, and lovable, even when you are sick or need more help than before. They can really help cope with negative thoughts and improve your sense of self-worth. If you start exhibiting depressive symptoms, reach out to your family members and health professionals.
5. Perfectionism:
Paradoxically, some people respond to a loss of confidence by adopting perfectionistic tendencies. You may strive for unrealistic standards, believing that achieving perfection will restore your confidence. I have always struggled with perfectionism. It’s almost easier now for me to blame things on my illness. Sometimes I can’t attend events or can only give 50% at something. But then I struggle with the idea that I am faking it or playing it up to my advantage, even though I literally need to rest or do things imperfectly.
6. Overcompensating:
In an attempt to mask your lack of confidence, you may engage in overcompensating behaviors. This can manifest as boasting, exaggerated achievements, or an outward display of confidence that doesn’t align with your internal state. I know some people who started posting on social media way more after becoming seriously ill. They didn’t want others to think they were struggling, so tried to show that everything was still perfectly normal. I, on the other hand, completely withdrew. I felt like I had nothing exciting to post or share, and didn’t want to see other people having fun without me.
7. Seeking Reassurance:
When you have lost confidence, you may seek constant reassurance from others to validate your worth or abilities. You may rely heavily on external validation to counter your internal doubts. I think I was really scared of losing friends after not seeing them for months, so really went out of my way to try and talk to them and maintain as normal a relationship as possible. This was obviously very difficult at times, when I was too sick to even text people, but really needed these ties to help assure me that I was still a good friend and worthy.
8. Physical Changes When You’ve Lost Your Confidence:
Confidence levels often manifest in non-verbal cues. When you experience a lack of confidence, you may exhibit a slouched posture, avoid eye contact, or present yourself in a way that reflects diminished self-assurance. When I had a visible feeding tube, I tried avoiding going out in public as much as possible. And when I did go out, I tried to bring the least amount of attention to me as possible. Because my body image had changed, and I was dealing with new physical symptoms and visible treatments, I tried to avoid going out more, which led to more social isolation. I found it easier to just avoid social situations, including normal daily activities like going to the grocery store.
9. Reduced Risk-Taking:
The fear of failure that accompanies a loss of confidence can lead to a reluctance to take risks. You may become overly cautious, choosing familiar and safe options rather than venturing into the unknown. When I got sick, I became very scared of taking risks, and honestly, I still am. What if it doesn’t work out? What if this makes me sicker? And, what if I start something and then let everyone down because I can no longer do it?
So, in 2024 I hope to put myself out there more and accept some risk. My chronic medical condition may have a significant impact on my life for a long time, and I don’t want to live without taking any risks forever. If it doesn’t work out, I will adapt. Sometimes we need to let others down to put ourselves and our health first, and that’s ok. My chronic health conditions have led to some lifestyle changes, which has been a hard thing for me to adapt to.
10. Decreased Motivation:
Confidence is closely tied to motivation. When confidence wanes, you may experience a decrease in motivation to pursue goals, engage in activities, or invest effort in personal and professional endeavors. When you lose confidence, you might feel like there’s no point in trying hard anymore, for a variety of reasons. If you can’t enjoy things the way you used to, and you already lack energy due to being sick, it can be really hard to convince yourself to keep pushing yourself. It is so easy to become discouraged and feel like there’s no reason to push yourself as you may no longer be able to accomplish them anyway.
Recognizing these behavioral changes is the first step. Eventually, once you acknowledge and accept that you have lost confidence, you can take steps to rebuild your confidence, which I will be discussing in my next blog post!